Turnip & Tartan, 15 June 2025
Scotland’s Most Scrumptious Turnip28 Event
Author: a_terrible_lizard | Editor: shewhopaints
On 15 June 2025, Kirkcaldy Gaming Society (KGS) held Scotland’s biggest Turnip28 event: Turnip & Tartan.
Turnip28 is a tabletop game, a post-apocalyptic root-vegetable based Napoleonic setting and a ruleset developed by Max Fitzgerald (https://www.patreon.com/Turnip28). I have previously written a short blog for KGS where I talk about it (check it out, it’s quite good My Miniature Tabletop Gaming Journey).
The Turnip & Tartan event was organised by a mix of volunteers and KGS committee and subcommittee members (myself, Claire, Duncan, Ala, Fiona, Andi, Niall and Morgan). We also received the support of the Neeps of Scotland, the Scottish Turnip28 Discord server that I am part of.
In total we had 14 participants, who brought their incredible miniatures and questionable ideas to fill the event with laughter and hilarious turnipy dismay.
At the door, Fiona and Ala registered the participants at the check in table, beautifully decorated with crocheted vegetable made by Andi.
Each participant received the event pack, which consisted of a booklet, a free miniature, a custom die and an objective marker in theme with the event’s narrative background. I invite you to have a look at the booklet here as it is pretty cool. The introduction was written by Niall and it was fantastically recited by Fiona just before the start of the first organised game.
All participants played two games, each time against a different opponent. The tables were full of an incredible variety of miniatures and terrain, inspired by crustaceans of all sorts, snails, vegetables, mushrooms, holiness and heresy.
After the organised games everyone had time for a nice break (not Duncan, he “volunteered” to count everybody’s points) to go grab a turnip roll or two, submit their miniatures for the hobby competition and vote to determine the winner in each category.
The peaceful climate and friendly conversations were however interrupted abruptly by the announcement of the start of the Toff Off Battle Royale.
This consisted of a series of Toff Offs (duels between the supreme commanders of the regiments) that continued until only one Toff was left still standing. The last duel took place in an exceptional location: a wrestling ring built by Niall for the occasion.
Using fighting skills and cunning, Alex emerged as the victor out of this catastrophic bloodbath.
We then proceeded awarding the prizes.
Steven won the prize for the Least Incompetent Toff (most points obtained in total in the two organised games) with 18 points, demonstrating once again that on the battlefield where his regiment marches nothing happens that he has not planned (including failed panic tests).
Alex won the Most Incompetent Toff (least points obtained in total in the two organised games) with 6 points between the two organised games. His regiment carefully avoided all objectives under the wise guidance of their Toff.
Jack won the prize for the Clumsier Regiment (most models removed following failed dangerous terrain tests) with 17 individuals that stumbled because of loose shoelaces, broke their little toes on some roots, could not swim in a puddle or were victims of general crabby clumsiness.
The hobby competition was won by Bethany, Andi and Steven, but I will provide a detailed report of this part of the event in a dedicated blog. I want to showcase everybody’s work and give it the attention it deserves.
I think the events of the day are summarised in a much more colourful way by the relevant paragraphs of the “Mostly Accurate Chronicles of the Lang Toun”, written by Scrapps the Scurvy Scribe.
It was a Friday morning, 925 A.C. (Anno Carotae).
It was pleasantly misty in the Lang Toun, as it always is, and the air was heavy with the characteristic Kirkcaldian solanine fragrance of rotten potatoes.
Mmm…delicious…
Anyway, folks were still asleep when a single gust of wind brought an unusually thick fog and a new smell that rapidly filled the muddy streets: sauté.
As people started leaving their homes to reluctantly commence their day, rumours began to spread like extra virgin tuber oil on a hot pan. Someone saw a titanic leek just outside town. Following the events here described, I tried to collect some reliable accounts of the apparition, however all I managed to gather was a bunch of nonsense and all sorts of inconsistent gossip.
What really matters is that the same morning the Toffs of fourteen regiments scattered around the toxic plains that surround Kirkcaldy woke up on the verge of a panic attack. This was not a rarity for any of them, but this time the leek (from now on we will call it The Leek as a sign of veneration) had invaded their rooty dreams and had spoken to them. It had ordered them to march with their forces, to the Lang Toun, to fulfil Prophecy No. 123456 from the Sacred Scroll of Relatively Authentic Prophecies.
The prophecy states the following:
“When invited by the leafy allium to the elongated conurbation,
The Chosen one must hike briskly with absolutely no hesitation.
Secure the solemn vegetable they must, and promptly shield it with their followers,
For adversaries will come fast, to scorn the sacred leek like dishonest borrowers.”
And thus the fourteen regiments started a strenuous march through mud and noxious vapours, trying to reach The Leek as quickly as they could. This is the full and truthful list of the regiments:
The Veggi Patch, guided by Toff Andi
The Bulbous Bastards, guided by Toff Stuart
The Craburai Corps, guided by Toff Jack
The Onions, guided by Toff Alex
The 71st Jersey Royals, guided by Toff Steven
The Bloodrot Bombardiers, guided by Toff Douglas
The 27th Amanita Gastronomers, guided by Toff Stefano
The 31st Mangled Wurzles, guided by Toff Bethany
La Legion Poisson, guided by Toff Henry
The 48th Forest Friends, guided by Toff Claire
The 5th Wretched Wranglers, guided by Toff Morgan
The 22nd Bloody Beet Brigade, guided by Toff Michael
The Steady Striders, guided by Toff Niall
The 27th Sullen Thermidorium Grenadiers, guides by Toff Ben
The regiments all arrived to Kirkcaldy approximately at the same time. Ferocious battles in the fog ensued. Soldiers started seeing ubiquitous manifestations of The Leek. Some of them ran away terrified by the unearthly gaze of the vegetables.
The Craburai Corps discovered that if you have too many crustacean legs you should avoid running too close to your allies or you will end up falling on top of each other in a tar pit.
The Onions, after hours of battle, realised they were following a strategy to achieve victory so secret that not even their Toff was aware of it.
At the end of this very long day, the 71st Jersey Royals finally managed to surround and secure what seemed to be the genuine The Leek. They were 72.5% sure of it.
When everything seemed over, the Toffs of the fourteen regiments commenced a debate concerning the nature of The Leek itself. Some were claiming it was an extension of The Root, others that it was The Root only in essence but not in its substance.
Other others were convinced The Leek was a mutated onion that originally was a spring onion that became a regular onion after Spring was banned by the mayor of Kirkcaldy. The debate was soon solved in the way all academic debate is always solved: a series of duels to the death.
Toff Alex was the last duellist standing. Witnesses say that they saw him limping away from the corpse of his last opponent, smirking and murmuring to himself: - All according to plan!
Before I wrap up this blog, I want to thank all the people who made this event a truly great day. This includes KGS, all the volunteers, the Neeps of Scotland and all the participants.
A special thanks also to everyone who contributed to building the rich pool of freebies and prizes:
Andrew May (https://www.meridianminiatures.co.uk/)
Marcello Rizza (https://www.instagram.com/uollas_uolsh/)
Green Goblin Studio (https://www.greengoblinstudio.com/)
Fringe Community (https://fringecommunity.gumroad.com/)